I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
