I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
