You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
