Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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