why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
