I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
