I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
