How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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