No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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