another moral hangover. fuck.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
