She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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