she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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