She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
