Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
