If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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