Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You took a bar mat shot.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The uberlube is also flammable
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
