i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
