I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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