So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
