On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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