I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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