I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
