Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
