i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
