i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
