i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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