im six kinds of drunk right now
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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