sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
