someone get that fucking seahorse.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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