pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
