i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
