i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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