Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Porn is love you can see.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
