Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
