my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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