I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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