Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
