Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its not stalking. its research.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
