My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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