I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
