So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
