i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
