I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
