Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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