Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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