i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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