So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
false alarm, still single
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