Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
