so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
