She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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