Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
