There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
