Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
